dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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