It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize