its not stalking. its research.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
