So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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