I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize