Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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