when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize