just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
