even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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