ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just forgot I was standing up.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize