Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
