How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
