we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
