Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
