Who wears a wallet chain?!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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