I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
