Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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