If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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