I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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