Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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