She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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