he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
