i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
