the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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