i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
