I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
