NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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