I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
