worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
