You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Randomize