My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
