I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
