Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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