her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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