i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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