Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
