I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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