Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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