Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
