sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Did I show you my penis last night?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
