Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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