The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I AM VODKA MAN
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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