I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is wine microwaveable?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
