I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
