I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
