Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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