Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
