I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
vagina is talking i cant
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
