Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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