I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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