we have officially lost it.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
