you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize