how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
