Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
