I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
