I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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