Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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