I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
