Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I looked at my own cervix.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
