um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
