idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
