i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
