so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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