Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
