So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
