I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
