just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
