my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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