Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
