i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
vagina is talking i cant
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
