At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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