I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize